My bisexuality

Today is BiVisibility Day. I am bisexual and figured I should write about it, talk about it, something. So here’s a little information about my bisexuality.

Firstly, there is no wrong or right way to be bisexual. There is only however you feel about yourself, and other people. It’s just a word when it comes down to it, the important part is how you feel and how you live your life. I am a big believer in freedom of choice, and leading a good life. Regardless of your sexuality.

Secondly, there are so many myths about bisexualty that I could fill a blog post just about that. But people have done that, and I will point you to this link. All I can for say for sure, is that I am not confused, or greedy, or going through a phase. No more or no less than any one else, straight, gay or otherwise.

Thirdly, sexuality is a personal thing. Whatever I went through is not whatever you have gone through, and I am happy with who I am.

I realised I was bisexual when I was 22.

When I was a teenager I wasn’t particularly interested in any of the boys at my school. Or in boys at all. I lied however, said I was, because I wanted to fit in. I’ve never really fit in anywhere in life, especially not in school. I was actually infatuated with a friend of mine, something I realise now, as an adult, with hindsight. I didn’t know about bisexuality back then. Despite being in a family with gay people and trans people, bisexuality wasn’t even a word I learnt until I was in my 20s.

When I really got into Stargate SG-1, I developed a crush on Sam Carter and the actress who played her Amanda Tapping. I realised then I was attracted to women and over time everything became much clearer to me. I’m not sure when I started labelling myself as bisexual, I remember talking about liking certain women to friends online, remember telling my boyfriend at the time, remember having a conversation about it with my mother (she said she already knew).

Since that conversation, that realised, I have never been more comfortable with my own sexuality and my own attraction to people. I never deny who I am, that I am bisexual. I recently started a new job and had a conversation about it just today. I was never straight. I was a kid and then I was bisexual.

For me, I tend to find women more attractive overall than men. I find most women attractive, and few men. Or few types of men. The ratio of attraction between men and women tends to differ depending on what fandom I’m pottering around in. I’m a geek, what can I say? I find women fascinating, I love their minds and their bodies. All brains and curves. They’re interesting and wonderful. I find men interesting too, but usually less aesthetically pleasing overall. Women I like overall, men are more specific. That’s just me though. The next bisexual person you speak to may be totally different.

I am, in case you hadn’t noticed, married to a woman. This does not change my sexuality in any way. I am not a lesbian now because I married a woman. Nor was I straight when I was with my ex boyfriend. I was bisexual the whole time. I will be bisexual. I will always love my wife, regardless of how many other women I think are interesting, how many other men I think look pretty. This the same for anyone in a relationship. Getting married doesn’t stop you find other people attractive, anyone who tells you different is lying to you. And possibly themselves. The thing is that I will always be faithful to my wife, will always love my wife and find her attractive. I am a good person. That isn’t a trait exclusive to any sexuality.

I’m no different to you. To my mother. My neighbour. What makes me different is not my sexuality but the person I am. Sexuality is just part of any person, that doesn’t make me better or worse. What makes me who I am are the things I like to do, the interests I have, the way I deal with stress…all those little things that make up a person. Including the people I find attractive.

There are a million different variations of sexuality, and I have found mine, found my word, my label, my ratio, whatever. Yours will be different. I don’t mind, I don’t care. If you are a good person, you lead a good life, then that’s what I care about.

Love yourself, love the person you are with, love the people who are good to you.

Be who you are. Don’t lie. Be happy.

I am.

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