This post is brought to you by pie and chips. And two cans of Diet Coke.
So it’s lent. And by Lent I mean Lent, with a capital L, not the slang ‘I lent on a wall‘, or ‘I lent somebody money last night‘, but let’s arbitrarily give up the things we like because we all went to CofE primary schools when we were kids and well, that’s what were brought up to do, or try. Or at least we were told about and watch our parents so the same. Or not.
At least this is the case for some people.
For some people it’s an actual thing. An important thing they put effort into. Which is fair enough. Lent is about the self denial of luxuries, as Jesus fasted for forty days for some reason I’m not entirely sure of. as you might have guessed, not only am I not really religious, I didn’t actually go to many of my R.E lessons in secondary school. Or pay attention to the ones I did go to. Or remain conscious through them. R.E was a basically a 45 minute nap in the middle of the day, or a bunk of in the toilets with my mates. I was never Christened. I don’t think my mum was bothered either way, and my dad was really against it, cause he’s a bit mental. I was always surprised he didn’t have us Christened cause it seems to be a good reason for a piss-up (just like Jesus intended…apparently), and he always likes a good piss-up. Though, he’s never needed a reason, so never mind.
If anything, I’m a little Agnostic, I like the idea of there being a ‘something or someone‘; and I believe in reincarnation, but I don’t like religions as a whole. I don’t like rules as a whole actually. If you’re Christian, Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist, Sikh, etc, then I respect that decision; in fact, I admire it, takes a lot to be religious, to have faith in something. It’s just not for me. Religion fascinates me, I just don’t have faith.
So why am I giving up chocolate for Lent?
I try every year. I have tried something most years since I was a teenager cause I went to CofE schools, before multiculturalism (and lived in rural Wales), and just did, for no real reason. Chocolate seems like the way to go, even though, the real devil in my life is caffeine. Diet coke to be exact. That’s what’s going to kill me, that’s what I should give up; but that’s more of a come-down, slow withdrawal kind of deal. If I want to survive it, and if other people want to survive it, coming of diet coke is going to have to be a long process. Like coming off the Seroxat; but that’s a different issue.
So chocolate it is.
Now I give it up because, well, because of habit, and because my best friend is Catholic and my girlfriend is Presbyterian and they give up anything remotely interesting every year because they do have faith; while simultaneously creating a shrine of chocolate over the forty days and gorging themselves into a sugar and coaca induced coma on Easter Sunday.
Okay some of that may be exaggeration.
Last year I managed three days; which is no exaggeration, I promise you, and this year I almost forgot twice in one day. I have no will power whatsoever; not just at Lent, or with chocolate, but in general. No will power and no patience. I always try though, and I like to think that counts for something; and if I am wrong, and I’m not reincarnated into a snake (or, hopefully, a fat hamster), and I end up being judged by a God (or Gods), then at least I can say tried.
Right before I’m sent to hell for the sex, drugs, rock and roll and general heathenism.