My cats are jerks.
Don’t get me wrong, I love them dearly but my cats are jerks. All cats are jerks. This past month they have broken two of my favourite plates, two good bowls, and knocked over the a plant spreading soil all over the carpet. They’re the reason I had to buy a new hoover because mine just wasn’t good enough to get up all the hair they shed while fighting and existing.My clean laundry
They steal food – off plates, knock saucepan lids off to steal it out the pan, steal it out of our bags. Out of the bin. I came home three times last week and found a piece of toast in the middle of my living room – every time I threw it away one of the cats would fetch it out of the bin realise they didn’t like it and leave on the carpet. They steal milk from your glass if you don’t drink it quick.
They bug us for diner, bug us for breakfast. they don’t leave you alone until they’ve had either. And then in the morning, they still don’t leave you alone after they’ve had breakfast because they’re jerks. They scream for attention just as you’re trying to sleep, or stand on your hair or chest or bladder when you’re trying to get back to sleep. They curl up on your arm when you’re trying to play xbox or type on the laptop….
They dug up a single pea out of my wife’s seedlings. And then left it on the floor. Why?Comfy?
Cause they’re jerks.
I love them. And I wouldn’t change them. I mean if I could have less cats without getting rid of any cats, that would be great but as it is – I have four cats. Four annoying cats who I love. And I hate cats. Or hated cats. Or am ambivalent to cats that I don’t own. I like hamsters. Hamsters are small and I can pick them up and put them away when they’re being naughty (like chewing through my blankets).
Simon’s Cat is very much the epitome of what it’s like to have a cat. And what it’s like to have my cats. The cats in that are an amalgamation of the four cats Simon Tofield owns and are very familiar as well as hilarious.
I could post about a dozen or more that are my favourites but I’ll just leave it at that one. Cause cats love a good box.We gave up on stopping them from eating the damn peas.
I could go on for ages. For almost an entire year Merry wouldn’t use the litter box unless someone was in the bathroom with her. We would have to get up in the middle of the night and go and sit with her while she went to the toilet. I miss Micky but would get lost in a one bedroom flat and we’d have to go and fetch him from the hallway after he went to the bathroom in the night because going in a straight line was too much for him. Reb wants to go to the park so he can roll in the grass and get a fuss – I have grass and the ability to fuss at home. Pogo is a great thief but a bad getaway driver – he’s stolen more food than he’s eaten. He also steal Lego bricks so he can play with them in the bath. He also steals the plugs from the bath and sink. Seymour is a jerk in training but he will climb up your leg if he thinks you have food and try and steal it. He’s learning fast.Why? Why?
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