H is for Homophobia

I don’t get it.

I tend not to get too involved in gay rights stuff. I’ll read the articles, and sign the petitions, but if I think about it too much it tends to upset me; I’ve had enough to upset me in my life why add to it.

It affects me too, I mean, I can’t marry my fiancé in a church. Technically I can’t marry her at all, simply civil partnership her, but it’s what you make it.

I guess I was lucky in some ways, race, culture, homosexuality, transgender issues these were all things that surrounded me as a kid. These were all things my mum brought us up to accept and love about our family and friends. Not fear or loathe or dislike. I hopefully am all the things my mum wanted me to be when I was older. Except a little in-saner than she intended.

What I don’t get is, what makes me so different to anyone else I walk by on the streets of Aberystwyth. I spent most of today cleaning our bedroom and putting away the last of Kate Ellen’s things, picking up my sisters dog to look after while she’s away and playing on the computer. And I washed up. Minus the dog, it’s a pretty standard day. And I drank tea. A lot of tea. We spend most of our time doing jobs around the flat, watching crappy films and Don’t Tell The Bride, reading articles online and uni work. Since when was that such a terrible thing? We don’t disturb anyone and well, we look after ourselves and our animals. We care about our family, our community, our culture. We’re good people. Kate Ellen more so than me perhaps, she goes to church and I sleep in on Sundays, but mostly I’m a good person.

It’s the hypocrisy that gets me the most I suppose. As it does everyone. The straight people who are divorced and having affairs are telling the faithful (in more ways than one) that we can’t get married.

Yeah, okay, then. Maybe I don’t want your poxy marriage, every one I’ve seen so far has gone to shit anyway. My paternal grandparents hated each other, my maternal grandparents married and divorced three times each (or twice for my grandad; I’m not sure), my parents divorced, various uncles and aunts.


We will, the gays I means, screw marriage up like straight people screw marriage up. We’re human, we screw everything up. Each other, the earth, we’ve come to this point where we don’t know how not to screw something up. We’re slowly going backwards and eventually will be giving each other lobotomies for getting pregnant outside of (a straight) marriage.

I’m not sure what homophobics expect me to do really? I’m the happiest I’ve been with anyone, and it’s a woman, so what? I don’t get it. Last relationship I had with a man I was miserable, unhappy, and had to leave him without telling him face-to-face cause I thought he would threaten to kill himself to try and keep me (like he already had done). How is that better for anyone? For society? And if you want to bring God into it, how is me being unhappy with anyone who isn’t Kate Ellen good for the Christian faith. I don’t even believe in God, so I’m going to hell anyway. Apparently.

I always thought God was a decent ‘guy’, I keep getting told that Christ practised and preached love, forgiveness, respect. Why is that some humans seem to only manage to teach hate?

I don’t get it and this does two things. It hurts my brain and it upsets me.

But I don’t let it stop me. My fiancé moved in the last of her things last week, we plan to get married in July and the future is ours after that.

Regardless of what people think.

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  1. You go, Rhian!Seriously, for those who think that there's a God who's snooping around, looking to see who does what with their genitals, and judging harshly if it ain't the proper thing… sick!Love is love. I happen to be straight. Never reached some fork in the road where I was contemplating, "Let's see, I could be straight, or I could be gay, or I could be bi…" For me, there was no fork, no decision, and I assume it's like that for most folks. Although, if you're gay or bi in a world that pressures you to be straight, there may be some confusion.I would like to think love is about more than plumbing and skin color, it's about souls, and you love the person you love, no matter what color skin or ability or dis-ability or anything else s/he happens to have. Hope you & your love will be very happy together.

  2. Live your lives together in love and happiness, the way you two want to live your lives together. I'm not sure what I believe in on a religious level but two people who love one another no matter their sexuality cannot be wrong and sinful. Enjoy your lives together and try not to let the words of ignorant individuals upset you to much.

  3. My mother taught me that every person is a unique human being and every human being has a right to be here and not be judged. But, as human beings, we are not perfect and so we seek unity with others who are like us in order to give our flawed selves the support to be stronger human beings.I like to think of myself as stronger than that, so I don't believe in labels and groups. Black, white, Asian, lesbian, Catholic. We are who we are, and hateful people will always exist. Just know that they are weighed down by their fear and hatred. I strive to be better and stronger in all aspects of my life, and if there's anywhere that I fit and belong perfectly, it's with myself.Great post, Rhi! Reminds us how important it is to love one another, regardless of our many differences, physical, emotional and spiritual.

  4. Good luck with your wedding; I hope you'll both be very happy. Please don't think that all straight married people are homophobes. We're not. I wish everyone the happiness, with anyone they're able to find it with, that I've found with my husband. By the way, I love the name Kate Ellen, it's so pretty.I found you on the A to Z sign up list, it's nice to meet you. 🙂

  5. For me there was no confusion at all. I knew what I liked long before I ever kissed a girl or a boy.I would like to thin the same, that love simply that. Love regardless of the covering.

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