I’m trying to remember what it is I want to get out of writing. Out of writing poetry, writing this blog. Writing fanfiction. Then I remember I just need to write. And not writing is painful enough to hurt, somewhere deep inside me. Like breathing and eating and drinking water. I need to write. I can go without sleeping for several days and have done. I cannot go with writing for that long. Though going without sleep often results in a lot of somewhat aimless writing that is turned into something clearer later on.

I write fanfiction for me, a lot of the time, that’s definitely how it started out. And while I do write from prompts, or write for people too, the bulk is for me. Not always because that’s what I want to see on screen but sometimes just cause I get the idea in my head and can’t let it go. Writing it down is easier than being tortured with it for a few weeks until another idea crops up.

And I love poetry. And my blog. I need somewhere to write about these things, share this crap that gets stuck in my mind like a tangled tape or a scratched dvd. Plus it always helps to find out that I am not alone in what goes through my mind.

I am sleepy. But it’s October. And I care not for Halloween like the rest of the bleedin’ internet (particulary tumblr) but I do care for OctPoWriMo. So here is the first poem of the month. Don’t know what it is? Click the image and find out!

I am contained,
well enough
in boxes and bottles
in powder and liquid
I am contained and constant.
With all comes nothing
both the in and out
becomes one truly frightening
moment of clarity
so I contained and constrained
the worst of it
– whatever it is –
as well as I can.
Just like everyone else.

I am just like everyone else
on the surface.

That’s what I hate the most.


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  1. OH! I know that fan fiction feeling. I’ve got two characters who’ve taken up residence in my head (and on my blog), where they show me their deeper story much faster than I can write it (because, whether Miss and Mister Stubborn know it, I do write other things besides their – umm- adventures.)

    I’d love to learn more about your fan fiction, and I’ll definitely be back to read more of your lovely poetry…

    Being like others on the outside – not such a big deal for me…I’m utterly unique, once the surface is peeled back! I think we all are…

  2. No kidding–me too! Actually, I like Halloween, but I do feel you on the other stuff. I pass for normal, but I’m not. I go to work as scheduled and I play the game well enough that I’ve been at the same place going on ten years. However, I don’t feel that anyone really knows me and no-one really cares to. Also, yes, I write fan fiction, and a big middle finger to the snobs who think that’s something to look down on. It’s better than taking a butt ton of drugs and turning myself into a zombie. I also resonated with your statement that not creating actually hurts.
    You are one of the few people I’ve encountered outside the infamous Team Netherworld with whom I feel I truly resonate. Even most so called creative people are closed-minded stiffs.

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