Be afraid, but not that afraid.

Scream Now.

This is my mum and Jays dog, Dotty. Terrifying isn’t it? I wouldn’t be too afraid if I were you, she’s actually a bit bonkers, and only really barks at you when you’re on the way out of the house. Worst. Guard Dog. Ever.

Imagine it: You leave your nice house under the watchful eye of Dotty (she’s always watchful, she’s looking for foxes and rabbits in the garden) and the burglars manage to get into your somewhat protected house. I say somewhat protected because the door handle my mums back door was put in upside down and is therefore a bit dodgy. Anyway, the bunglers get in, and you are welcomed by a nice little dog who shakes her little tail so hard she looks like she might explode. They grab the telly and think they’re well in, only to leave the house, get bit by the dog and drop the tv. They leave with nothing, good news, you’ve still got your tv, but it’s in pecies in the garden.

Oops.

Okay, it’s not that bad, if you’re a stranger, you are probably going to get a nip, though from the other dog, Dotty’s uncle, rather than Dot.

My mum’s dogs have been completely bonkers since they got Pip years ago. Pip was a good dog, and she had Charlie, and Smudge. Smudge was the runt, and completely psycho. Starved of oxygen I think when she was born. But that didn’t put my mum off having more puppies from her and keeping one. I said, I knew, puppies of Smudge would be as bonkers, and trouble, but she didn’t listen.

She said they kept Dot because every time people came round to look at/buy the puppies, Dot would hide.

Lies!

The thing is, I would’ve kept her too, because look, look how cute she was when she was a puppy. They were all this cute, but my mum wouldn’t let me buy one off her. Though that had more to do with the fact that I’d have to lend the £140 off her to pay her for the puppy.

She says when these go, they’ll get a rescue whippet, some that sleeps a lot and doesn’t roll around in shit. They’ve had whippets before, and well, whippets don’t really have the right body shape to roll. This is a bit different to “Right, no more dogs!” that she was spouting a few months ago, so we’ll see. At one point, we had seven dogs, three whippets, two very old jack russells, one parsons jack russell and a cairn terrier.

That was crazy.

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2 Comments

  1. I had a cairn terrier. She bit my kid in the face. Later I got another cairn terrier. He bit my other kid in the face. Then I got a standard poodle who never bites anyone but is embarrassing to look at. She's the best dog ever, but I still miss the cairns. I know it's wrong of me.

  2. Our cairn never bit us on the face, though he had wonky teeth and couldn't really break the skin. He used to bite our feet a lot when he was in our bed cause he thought the moving was a duvet monster. I miss that dog a lot.

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